I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
