her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
