Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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