If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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