Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
