Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
