tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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