Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
