how can u be prego again
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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