Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
