Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
