turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
