ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
