Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
