we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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