also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
should my penis look like a turkey
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
