I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize