and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
