I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
