dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
