god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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