Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
