Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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