Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
