I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
