That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
