She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
