and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
