i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
