The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
