I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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