I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
