Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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