I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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