I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize