why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
