i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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