ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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