umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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