My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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