I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
