Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
