I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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