I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
