I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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