I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
