...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize