ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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