Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
