Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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