I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
