She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
