non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
