have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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