Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
