I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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