i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
