yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
