I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
