Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
