I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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