she was so not down for the gang bang
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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