I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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