I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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