wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
