your parents love me but you hate me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
